The question of surgery, and where I go from here.

One of the scarier parts of transitioning, for me, has always been the surgical paths that can be explored. This largely comes down to a pathological fear of medical procedures that I’ve had since a rather botched operation from a childhood injury.

There are a few surgical options that transgender women often consider. Facial feminisation surgery, breast augmentation surgery and of course sex reassignment surgery are the main ones. Their role is quite simple. They’re gender and identity affirming procedures that can go a long, long way to helping trans people live as their true selves and overcome sometimes life threatening dysphoria.

Despite my generalised medical fears, surgery has always been something I have at least leaned towards wanting. It’s a part of the journey that I know will make a difference to my life in so many ways. But of course there are challenges. Many challenges.

I’ve spoken to several medical professionals now, and gone through my own medical history. For me, there are limitations to what is possible. Blood disorders will do that to you. Those limitations are something I have to find a way to live with. The surgeries that I can have performed would require more time off work and in recovery than my career, my money and my support options would allow for the foreseeable future. All of this compounds.

After finding out a little more about my path forward, I am taking some time to think about the next steps for me, and how my transition will manifest next. I am following a mantra of breathe, adjust and look forward. Breathe, adjust and look forward.

Trying to be flexible with what I want, and what I need and the medical, financial and emotional compromises that challenge both of those things is an ongoing difficulty for me. But it’s a difficulty I feel more attuned to and able to handle than ever before.

I made the decision to take a little extra time away to recuperate and process where I’m at over the next few days. It’s something I would prefer not to do - I am in an amazing place creatively and professionally and doubling down on that feels right - but doing what is best for my own emotional health is always going to pay off in the long term. I know this.

xox Joany 🍕🍕